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Are Women Confident or Arrogant?

24/8/2012

5 Comments

 
Why is it confident women appear arrogant? Is it that they often are arrogant instead? Do they intend to use provocation or are they truly unaware? How do women actually manage to show their confidence and not seem brash?

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I was sitting on a sofa, next to a stranger – a sofa that was designed for two people – waiting for a meeting when a woman stood between us clearly wanting to sit down but without actually saying anything. We shuffled apart, she sat down, pulled out a crumbly baguette and began eating her breakfast with the baguette paper bag being pulled down longer as she ate and flicking me at each bite. She moved her handbag from under her feet and put it on my feet to reinforce the fact I must clearly have been invisible to her although we spoke later in the day and there wasn't any animosity towards me so I'll have to presume she didn't know that she what she had done could be considered rude.

Throughout the day she pushed to be at the front of the group at every opportunity and openly complained about the lunch menu at a very exclusive restaurant giving us the detail on why she wasn't willing to eat what was on offer. It does seem that a confident woman is more likely to act this way that a confident man.

She was a journalist and her industry and workplace probably has to have a 'no nonsense' approach. Maybe those everyday niceties are not everyday in her normal working life but surely we can all adjust? People who work in noisy factories, who need to yell to speak to a colleague, are quite capable of quietly asking for the salt across the dinner table after work so I suspect it's a type of person who exudes these discourteous tendencies rather than being a product of their environment. Or is it that a man can be considered charming when confident and women have not yet learnt how to use their confidence without trampling over others? A controversial statement but worth considering. Maybe we need more excellent female role models in all industries to demonstrate how to act and to show that respecting others is not a weakness.

I haven't yet mentioned that this female journalist was not English so this could have been a cultural difference but the group were a mix of nationalities and others knew when to adapt so I don't think it can be used as an excuse.

Do you have any thoughts on how women can be respected while not being downtrodden, which is what seems to be these brash women's fear? No-one is trying to belittle them but first impressions do count and walking over others is not a long-term way to get ahead in life.

5 Comments
Joan
23/8/2012 08:03:29 pm

A provocative blog post but I do see where you're coming from. Men have Richard Branson and Barack Obama as confident role models. Who do women have? Young women have celeb-style role models and not smart women. It's not easy.

Reply
Jo
23/8/2012 08:34:40 pm

I understand what you are saying, I think people in general mistake arrogant behaviour as confident. So many people accuse me of being unconfident, and a lot of women in my workplace question my approach to things as 'nervous'. This is not the case I was raised to be aware of those around me, to defer politely until you have an opportuntiy to speak or act. This isn't a lack of confidence its good manners, and often if you step back and gauge a situation, you make a better decision and and impression. I think that bullish aggressive behaviour is overcompensating and actually displaying a lack of confidence in your own capabilities, and it displays a lack of intelligence. Often such people quip at me 'oh I didn't think you could do that' or 'your a dark horse' - no I'm just confident and polite that's all. There is a saying that 'empty vessels make the most noise' and I think in a lot of cases it can be true.

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OIK Editor link
24/8/2012 01:24:07 am

Thanks for the comments. Jo, I like what you say about 'quiet confidence'. Assessing a situation and using manners has always got to be the best way to act.

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Laura Susan
24/8/2012 06:59:09 pm

I find that it is other women who describe a woman as arrogant whereas a man will describe her as confident. That could be because a man doesn't want to appear as being sexist. In any event, I think there is a fine line between being confident and being arrogant and often what starts out as confidence steps over the line into arrogance. It is a question as Jo said of manners. I think it is also a sign of the times in that young women are pushed (by their mothers???) to be pushy as being the only way forward to success.

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OIK Editor link
27/8/2012 07:50:36 pm

It seems confident women will always struggle with perception. Some will admire them and some will not. But you're absolutely right, manners will always be appreciated.

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